the smell of vodka

The smell of vodka on a lonely woman’s breath
Watching people dance around

I’ll take her back to the smokey ashtray I call home
My beer can palace in the sky

Sweat and lies
Fake promises
This is how angels die

I’ll tell her things I never meant to say
And fall asleep to the tv
she watches the city down below
wishing she was still at home.

The taste of whiskey on a strangers kiss
Watching people dance around

I’ll take her back to my smokey ashtray of a home
My beer can palace in the sky

My world is simple
The nights never change
Miserable as it may be
I love the flavor of the moment
The bitter taste of an empty heart
Puts some life back into me

Am I to be
Alone and suffering
Am I to be
A traitor to the causes
Am I to be
The one who makes you laugh out
The one who teaches you to fly
Am I to be
Alone and wanting
Or captivated by your presence

I never knew I could be this way
I never saw it happen
I couldn’t see it happening
I didn’t know it

Am I to be
So in love with you
Am I to be
Alone in love with you
Am I to be

Am I to be
Alone and suffering
Alone and suffering
Alone
Suffering

Sorry for the short notice.

Farewell my friends thank you for reading. something came up. and i will be gone
not sure how long.
if i'll ever post again.
farewell my friends.

happiness is o'er me. lingering host esctasy. thought lay fill in bliss o'er hinde, friendship 'twas come to mind

on my left i carry a sack,
in it resides my past.
with no expression
i carry this weight.
without the burden the road ahead would not be worth walking

i wish i could see you hold you close and tell you everything you need to hear
but something stands in my way

i am unsure why but i fear you
i fear the words you might say

you say you love me.
but i am not sure why,
you never meant those words

or never in that way

as time keeps on passing i think of you each night
i think of kissing you and how the moments would last

in my dreams i see you standing by my side and i watch reality slip away

i live in my dreams
i pray to god that i won't wake.
just so i can have you one more day

i know i cannot have you and our love may never be
but no matter what happens i also know one more thing

the world could end tomorrow

but i'll still see you in my dreams

goodnight :)

(this is poem ten years old don't hate me for it i was young LOL)

Lost Faith

Sun shattered cold and eterenal. I sip my coffee in the light of a candle and watch the tides bring in the deep howls of a windless summer night.
a young woman is running the shoreline in hopes to find something, probably looking for herself in the waves.

a new tomorrow threatens me, no future to guid me no past to look to

i turn to my pen seeking an answer to lifes only question, why does everything die.

i write for hours and the ink settles to the paper like blood on glass, streaming and blured

closing my mind to the outside world brings ease to my sinking broken heart

easter is three days away, the rebirth of christ and the children playing in his playground collecting eggs for a worthless cause. i wish i could enlighten their minds to accept that no bunny is coming.

on the news a man cries to god and sees a mountain fall, wonder if he knew the mountain was just his pride and the god he spoke to was a dream he created to punish himself into being a better person

returning to my pen i draw a picture for the world, a picture of nothing, to show them where we are going. so they can see where we have been

someday their bright colors of their blissful rainbow's will turn to black and they will see. we are nothing more than puppets. puppets we manipulate everyday into doing what we don't want to. and then they will be like me. dead inside, if they aren't already there

The Day We Met

looking back on the greatest day of my life i saw you.

it was the day we first met

i knew you were coming to see me and i was scared

we had been anticipating this day for almost a year

i was afraid of you

no i was afraid of not being good enough for you

excitement filled the air when i saw your face
i wanted to touch your soft skin but i held back

you didn't say a word but i felt something i had never felt

i felt love

it was the greatest moment i will ever hold

you had smokey blue eyes and short thin silky blonde hair you were so
beautiful

i am sure you still are

we spent the next year side by side

being with you reminded me of the carefree days of my youth

the first time you kissed my cheek i tried to hold back the tears but i
couldn't

i spent hours just holding you in my arms and forgetting about the world

those hours seem like seconds now

although i have not forgotten a single moment with you

you showed me a softer side of myself and i gave you all i had to give

i am sorry that things didn't work out

i still pray to see you again each night

all my dreams are about you
i have changed since you last saw me

i have grown bitter and hateful towards myself for letting you go so
easily

i will never understand why we parted

the day i left i wish i could have held you and kissed you,
to let you know one last time that i love you

each day i wake you are the first thing i think of

your memory guides me through life
your strength and courage helps me get by

i know you miss me too

all that time that we spent together,
and all the memories we made,

i still never heard you say one thing
and i will long for it for the rest of my life

you never said "i love you"

i know you do but i just want to hear it once that would heal my soul
more than anything

i have never missed a chance to say i love you and i will take the time
now to do so again

I love you devlin, you will always be my son, if you ever need me i am
here for you

no matter what you will always be "daddy's little man"

Fluttering down from the gallows
a cord yanks back
popping echoes
eyes bulge
I deficate

The limit has not been found
milliseconds seem like years
voices unrecognized fill my head
the past unleashes
muscles crying
jolting and tearing

The feel of glass in my throat
encumbering thoughts of regret dissolve
paralysis
acceptance
and death

Thank You

when i first saw you it felt complicated.
now i can see clearly and understand it wasn't complicated.
just out of my scope of understanding at that time.
when i heard your voice you simplified the universe into one word. hello.
it was the basis on which all things will start and end... thank you for that

The main complaint is having laid GE and the pain and sorrow and how they play have been
sure
I have the songs they have been stirring thanks in part and you are off

A Song of Flowers

The lifeless meat stalked his prey and the children came to play
and the sundering nights gave way
to the cracking dawn

the hobbled cripple came the same the sloping soldier vent and strain
the lobbyists all denied entropy and the toys from life were freed
at the coming of the dawn.

Infused with liquid relief the anti-climatic pause bored me
and the children walked away
as the burning came to play and the instruments would not play
it's just in time for the sunset

I think I would like to sit with you

Over the years I have witnessed many crimes, some by the most honest of men.
These crimes are very distinct to each type of man.
Though so unique in manner they have one thing in common,
They have been committed in the sense of "justice".
 
            With each victim comes a responsibility of revenge.
Is it pride, honor, or self gratification that drives men to war?
If I raise my fist at a man for spitting on me, I will be seeking my honor back.
But to strike a fool, is there honor in this action? No there is no honor in senseless bloodshed.
He has done me no physical harm; but again. He has insulted me.
 With the insult of my name he also insults my family.
How do you walk away from such a crime?
 
            These two are the thoughts that complicate my life so deeply,
There are times I have to force myself to accept one of these actions as truth
No matter which I choose a sense of guilt leads to restless nights
I do not deny the pleasure I feel when the scent of blood consumes me.
The tangy sweet texture fragrencing the air. Enjoyable as the smell of roasting a pig.
I feel no guilt of violence only for the joy I have in it.
 
            I have tried to follow the right and wrong policy.
What makes me bleed can make others suffer as well.
I feel I have abused my ability by doing it so mercilessly.
Though compassion comes later. Almost like a karmic rain.
 
            I often wish for peace. Not in the world, in myself.
A war between what I think is right and what I think is necessary.
Don't misunderstand me I feel no difference in robbing a man blind vs.  Giving my wealth to charity.
Both serve only the purpose we give them.
 
            Perception, which is the only real truth. When a man falls in battle both men fallen or not are hero's
One for living and one for dying. Neither for being right or wrong. Both willing to surrender their lives for the same reason. "justice"
Justice is a crime. Regenerating death a cycle that will never be broken.
 
             I wish to end the cycle of blood. But how can I when I take such pleasure in seeing it?
If you were watching men hang.
Would it be your eyes that hide as the corpse pendulums? Or is it your shame that could not be witness?
We can cloak ourselves from the reign of blood. But we can't run from it.
 
            I do not wish to forget my actions or to lose touch with my moments of insanity.
I want nothing more than to understand why I am cruel. Or why I am seen as cruel. All I wish to do is work, love, and be with my family. and to sleep restfully.
 
            All of which require some amount of selfishness.
In these paragraphs I'm sure you have noticed my struggle.
To make sense of these words would be time consuming and most likely prove useless to you.
They are the questions I ask myself.
You will find no answers here. Only confusion and more questions. But if they appeal to you, read some more some other day

 
J. Andrew Day

With .. you alone I am always

Hard bent the pressure gets to me

Step back the punches are swift and depriving

judging me always

breakdown jaded and depleting

with .. you alone I am always

hard bent driving the wrong way

sweetly dividing my,,

softly breaking my.

I know once it is freedom

lacking just to bee seen here

with.. you alone I am always

Hard bent the peace is confronting

long day sleep away everything

everything that.. reminds me of you

I'll keep longing for action

Lusting bent satisfaction.

Maybe someday I'll find the courage

fight back, withering inside

I am so alone here,

I feel so conflicted

and the water drips down soaking my body with memories of you

Take back all that you read here

lay back rest in your shadows, comfort yourself. I think that I can suffer being alone.

If alone means I no longer need to see you

perfect... I am alone now. Alone with somebody new