Sorry for the short notice.

Farewell my friends thank you for reading. something came up. and i will be gone
not sure how long.
if i'll ever post again.
farewell my friends.

happiness is o'er me. lingering host esctasy. thought lay fill in bliss o'er hinde, friendship 'twas come to mind

on my left i carry a sack,
in it resides my past.
with no expression
i carry this weight.
without the burden the road ahead would not be worth walking

i wish i could see you hold you close and tell you everything you need to hear
but something stands in my way

i am unsure why but i fear you
i fear the words you might say

you say you love me.
but i am not sure why,
you never meant those words

or never in that way

as time keeps on passing i think of you each night
i think of kissing you and how the moments would last

in my dreams i see you standing by my side and i watch reality slip away

i live in my dreams
i pray to god that i won't wake.
just so i can have you one more day

i know i cannot have you and our love may never be
but no matter what happens i also know one more thing

the world could end tomorrow

but i'll still see you in my dreams

goodnight :)

(this is poem ten years old don't hate me for it i was young LOL)

Lost Faith

Sun shattered cold and eterenal. I sip my coffee in the light of a candle and watch the tides bring in the deep howls of a windless summer night.
a young woman is running the shoreline in hopes to find something, probably looking for herself in the waves.

a new tomorrow threatens me, no future to guid me no past to look to

i turn to my pen seeking an answer to lifes only question, why does everything die.

i write for hours and the ink settles to the paper like blood on glass, streaming and blured

closing my mind to the outside world brings ease to my sinking broken heart

easter is three days away, the rebirth of christ and the children playing in his playground collecting eggs for a worthless cause. i wish i could enlighten their minds to accept that no bunny is coming.

on the news a man cries to god and sees a mountain fall, wonder if he knew the mountain was just his pride and the god he spoke to was a dream he created to punish himself into being a better person

returning to my pen i draw a picture for the world, a picture of nothing, to show them where we are going. so they can see where we have been

someday their bright colors of their blissful rainbow's will turn to black and they will see. we are nothing more than puppets. puppets we manipulate everyday into doing what we don't want to. and then they will be like me. dead inside, if they aren't already there

The Day We Met

looking back on the greatest day of my life i saw you.

it was the day we first met

i knew you were coming to see me and i was scared

we had been anticipating this day for almost a year

i was afraid of you

no i was afraid of not being good enough for you

excitement filled the air when i saw your face
i wanted to touch your soft skin but i held back

you didn't say a word but i felt something i had never felt

i felt love

it was the greatest moment i will ever hold

you had smokey blue eyes and short thin silky blonde hair you were so
beautiful

i am sure you still are

we spent the next year side by side

being with you reminded me of the carefree days of my youth

the first time you kissed my cheek i tried to hold back the tears but i
couldn't

i spent hours just holding you in my arms and forgetting about the world

those hours seem like seconds now

although i have not forgotten a single moment with you

you showed me a softer side of myself and i gave you all i had to give

i am sorry that things didn't work out

i still pray to see you again each night

all my dreams are about you
i have changed since you last saw me

i have grown bitter and hateful towards myself for letting you go so
easily

i will never understand why we parted

the day i left i wish i could have held you and kissed you,
to let you know one last time that i love you

each day i wake you are the first thing i think of

your memory guides me through life
your strength and courage helps me get by

i know you miss me too

all that time that we spent together,
and all the memories we made,

i still never heard you say one thing
and i will long for it for the rest of my life

you never said "i love you"

i know you do but i just want to hear it once that would heal my soul
more than anything

i have never missed a chance to say i love you and i will take the time
now to do so again

I love you devlin, you will always be my son, if you ever need me i am
here for you

no matter what you will always be "daddy's little man"

Fluttering down from the gallows
a cord yanks back
popping echoes
eyes bulge
I deficate

The limit has not been found
milliseconds seem like years
voices unrecognized fill my head
the past unleashes
muscles crying
jolting and tearing

The feel of glass in my throat
encumbering thoughts of regret dissolve
paralysis
acceptance
and death